On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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