3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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