I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
