do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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