then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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