Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize