Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
