can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
