dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
