What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
