we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
