Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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