I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
