i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
