I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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