i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize