Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
