I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
