Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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