Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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