just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
