I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Randomize
