im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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