hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
