Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
