I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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