Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize