North Korea, Best Korea!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
