I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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