I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
