like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
