Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize