He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
