can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
