i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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