fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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