I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Can I color on your dick again?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
