conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
