You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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