That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
