it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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