So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
