I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
