Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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