If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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