hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize