A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize