I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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