You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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