There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
