I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They have beer where we have blood.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
