he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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