the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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