im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I want a musical about memes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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