We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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