So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
