our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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