I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
