Soap is not a condiment
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
