we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
