My hand turned me down
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
