My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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