I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
