I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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